STAYING HOPEFUL
I was recently asked by a woman whose ovarian cancer had just returned how I remained hopeful in the face of my own multiple recurrences.
I had to think and reflect before answering her. I’ve always been a positive person – not a “Pollyanna” per se – but generally a “glass half-full” type of gal. However, having ovarian cancer has certainly challenged my ability to stay positive and sometimes I have to WORK really hard at remaining hopeful.
In the dictionary, hope is defined as “grounds for believing that something good may happen”. I remind myself often that hope is not just believing that a cure is possible or believing that I will live for any particular length of time – but that good things can happen in the next week, the next day or even the next hour.
Instead of mourning the things I used to do without trying, I try to find new ways of doing them and not cease them altogether. For example, a couple of years ago my daughter and I planned a trip to Italy and normally we like small group walking tours instead of taking a bus or car tour. But I have neuropathy in my feet that makes it difficult to walk long distances – especially when it is hot. When planning our time in Rome, I knew the terrain and the anticipated 90⁰ temperature would challenge my ability to do a walking tour. So, I did some research and found an alternative: golf cart tours. That’s what we did – the guide took us from site to site on a golf cart and wherever we stopped, we were free to walk around as much as we wanted. The golf cart could even go on small back roads and alleys where cars were not allowed, just like a walking tour. I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything . . . instead I found my new favorite way to tour a city!
It’s no secret to those who know me – I like to be in charge. For me, the loss of control due to this cancer has been challenging. But I’ve learned to let go of the things I can’t control . . . and control the things I can. I set my schedule daily – even if it’s only medical appointments – and this gives me a greater sense of control. I make lists of things I want to accomplish/experience and then work on making them happen one step at a time. Cleaning out a closet, creating an online playlist of my favorite music, making a reservation to check out a new restaurant, even checking mundane tasks like these off my list help me feel that I am managing my life . . . instead of my life managing me. I read journal articles about my cancer, attend conferences, talk to other advocates and healthcare professionals whenever the opportunity presents itself. Because when I am taking an active role in directing my own care, I’m at least a co-pilot instead of just a passenger.
I also find that being around other people dealing with cancer keeps me positive. I’m a member of a number of online communities, I hang out regularly with a group of women with ovarian cancer who call themselves “Chemo Chicks” and I’ve become an active volunteer in two organizations whose missions are to improve the lives of people like me (FORCE: Facing our Risk of Cancer Empowered and the Minnesota Ovarian Cancer Alliance). I know that sounds a little strange to say that hanging out around cancer keeps me positive. . . but it does. It reminds me that I am not the only one having to deal with these unpleasant and difficult things. It gives me courage to move forward when I’m feeling defeated and helps pick me up on the days that my anxiety about the future temporarily gets the upper hand. It was an easy or natural thing for me initially. I am not the support group type of person; I don’t like to share how I am doing. But I found that getting to know people who were facing the same things I was, made it easier for me to remain upbeat and hopeful in the face of my own challenges.
As an unknown author once said, “Don’t lose hope. When the sun goes down the stars come up.” When faced with overwhelming obstacles, what helps YOU to continue thinking something good might happen? The sun in our life is easy for most of us to identify. But it can take a little more work to find the stars.
Teri Woodhull
Globe-athon is proud to partner with Smart Patients, an online community where patients learn from each other about their cancer journeys. On Smart Patients, you can discuss issues raised in this blog post and beyond. Join here: https://www.
