HOLIDAYS PAST
Winter in the Northern Hemisphere is a season I look forward to enjoying. For me and my family, it is get-togethers at Christmas; for nearby friends it is gatherings for Hanukkah or Kwanzaa; and we all look forward to welcoming the New Year.
Before my cancer diagnosis I remember starting to put up holiday decorations the day after Thanksgiving (it is relatively mild at the end of November in the northeastern US). By the following Sunday, we would have dinner to Christmas Carols playing while outside was fully decked out for the holidays. The days that follow included baking different types of cookies, shopping and wrapping presents in preparation for celebrating the holiday.
It most certainly didn’t work that way in December 2005, five months after surgery when I was in the middle of chemotherapy for my initial diagnosis of ovarian cancer. It also didn’t work out in December of 2008, one month after I had undergone surgery to remove recurrent ovarian cancer that had developed on my spleen and liver. During both times my husband helped shop for gifts, my son put up the tree and both my son and daughter helped me bake cookies. Even our dear friends helped by invited us for Christmas Eve dinner. I was upset at first that I wasn’t helping create the fun times but as those holidays drew to a close, I found that we had created new holiday traditions – like an evening of board games and watching the movie It’s a Wonderful Life.
Experiencing the holidays in treatment twice now, I’ve learned a few things that helped me get by, and yes, even celebrate:
1. Look at everything you have to do. Then, prioritize.
Before cancer, I needed to do everything, and you might feel the same. I’ll admit it – I cried a few times over not being able to physically do things I had done in the past. But, treatment doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to participate. So, take stock in all you have done in the past, single out those you loved doing and want to do. Prioritizing these can help you enjoy the holidays even as you are on treatment.
For example, my baking was a priority for me, but instead of baking 5 different cookies, I baked with the help of my children the two types that I used to bake for the holidays with my Aunt when I was young. Another important part of the season for me is to attend midnight services. If you can’t because of your own recovery or the side effects of treatment, attend an earlier evening service or reach out to your pastor /minister/ deacon, rabbi and ask them to visit you. One can even find a service on television or online. There are ways to feel connected even when you can’t physically be there.
Can’t imagine lugging the Christmas tree and decorations from the attic? A simple dwarf spruce tree from a local garden center might be just the thing to bring the Christmas spirit into your home. And in the Spring you can plant it outside. Are you too tired to shop? Buy online. And one more thing, it is OK that not every decoration you own is on display.
2. Ask for help.
I never wanted to ask for help. I’m stubborn like that. I am the “Mom”. I am supposed to make the cookies, buy the gifts and plan the dinner. Cancer taught me that I didn’t have to do all of it by myself. Turns out, my family and friends really wanted to help out, and I learned to let them.
You might not have the stamina to host that holiday party or dinner. You know what? It’s okay to admit that. And more, it is ok to go to a friend’s or family member’s home for those holiday meals or make a reservation to eat at a restaurant. The holidays are a time to just enjoy the time together.
Things might not match your definition of perfect, but they can still be good.
3. Get your rest!
Recovering from surgery and/or medical treatment means feeling exhausted, a lot. Back then it frustrated me to not have energy like I had before cancer. But more importantly, I learned to listen to my body. I learned to nap, and not only at my home, but at other people’s homes. I would just ask the hostess if it was ok if I went into another room to rest. A half-hour later I was good to go for a few more hours.
4. Eat right!
I remember in the “old days” I could go through my holiday errands and realize I hadn’t eaten anything at all. Whether that be decorating or shopping for gifts, my focus was on making sure everything was ready. I learned something while in treatment; I need to take care of myself. During treatment I would eat at least 3 meals a day which was not always easy. On some days it was better for me to have a few smaller meals. Sometimes during the holiday season the dinner would be later than what I was used to, especially when I was visiting others. I make sure I don’t wait for that late meal to eat – rather I have some crackers, fruit, a handful of nuts or a glass of juice. And I remembered to drink plenty of water.
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It took my experience with cancer to realize that cutting back on activities during the holidays and concentrating on spending time with family in celebration is better than any perfect tree with a multitude of lights, 5 batches of cookies or cooking a multi-course meal.
Here is my hoping you have a very Merry Holiday and a Happy and Healthy 2020!
Dee Sparacio
Note: This post is an adaptation of the post I wrote in 2011 for my blog Women of Teal
Globe-athon is proud to partner with Smart Patients, an online community where patients learn from each other about their cancer journeys. On Smart Patients, you can discuss issues raised in this blog post and beyond. Join here: https://www.
