Cancer… a terrifying word to many people. After losing both of my parents to cancer, I am one of those people. To face cancer again through my friend, Susan Evans, who had ovarian cancer, brought those fears to the surface after many years. Yet, it was different with Sue for a few reasons. First, those who know Sue are familiar with her fighting spirit. Although she faces all of her challenges head on with great determination, this was my dear friend facing the biggest fight of her life. It was also different because of her doctor, Tom Krivak. When he met us in the surgery waiting room, his sincerity was evident. When he said that if it was cancer, it was possibly curable and definitely treatable, we believed him. More importantly, Sue believed him, and this trust gave her more strength to face her upcoming challenges.

Having a friend with cancer was not easy.

I could tell her that I understood what she was going through, but the reality was that I could not fully understand. I wanted to be there for her, but was it better to be a good listener, an optimistic supporter, a comedian to add some laughter in her day, or the person who treated her like she wasn’t sick so that she could try to remember what is was like before cancer?  It turns out that I tried all four roles depending on how Sue was doing. Sue and her husband George have always been so supportive of my family. I so wanted to be there for her, but I felt powerless.  Since I was still teaching and many times she was three hours away for her treatments, we did not see each other often but did try to talk every day. After her chemotherapy treatments, we would take a break from talking, and she would call me when she was feeling well enough to converse again. I have often thought that this was not enough support, but after reading her book, Don’t Write the Obituary Yet, I learned that our friendship did help her face cancer, and I am happy about that.

There was never a time when I thought she would lose her battle, but I do know that cancer sometimes wins. When I told her that she would get through this, I meant it even though I am not a medical person. My respect for her strength and attitude has grown so much, and it helped that she was proactive in her own care.

My advice to people who have friends who are facing cancer is to just be there.

Be a sounding board, a place where your friend can be herself and let her guard down. Be real and pray for the strength your friend will need to fight the battle. I am so thankful that I still have my friend Sue and our friendship continues to be strong

-Kathy Kresge